The Wrath of Dark Matter
by AMBC
Summary: The final chapter of South Park: Religion Exposed is here. Secrets will be revealed, revelations will be shown and a heart felt speech will be heard; it's a conclusion that's worth reading. Stars ThreadbareSP's character Charlie. Not suitable for those who take religion seriously. Leave a review after reading.
1. Chapter 1

**It's finally here. The fourth and final chapter of South Park: Religion Exposed. Who will rise and who will fall.**

**Everything you want to know will finally be revealed.**

**Chapter 1**

_At the heart of every battle lies a glimmer of hope. Warriors and champions of all sorts won every battle because of hope._

_The Mortal World has always been a place of history and wonder, but the passing centuries have made us forget what is right in front of us, what truly is real and what isn't. The world of mortals will however cease to exist if he isn't stopped._

_A grave evil is about to be unleashed upon the Mortal World, if it is not stopped then the mortals will cease to exist, and so will we eventually, but there is still hope because somewhere in the Mortal World, heroes of all sorts aren't going to go down without a fight. They are heading to Greece as we speak, determined to prevent the evil from being uprooted, I can only pray that they are not too late._

_It takes five kids to save the day, but it's going to take seven unlikely heroes to save the world…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Storm clouds hovered over the village of Alethea, giving it a gloomy appearance. In the village, knights in black armour were locking away the Aletheans in the long forgotten dungeons. Dark Matter observed the damage caused by the Tenebris invasion.

"I must admit, you knights did a far more successful job at taking over this village, not like last time." Said Dark Matter. One of the knights stood beside the villain, looking at the small pouch Dark Matter held in his hands.

"Don't worry I have the keystones right here," He held the pouch up for the knight to show, "two of them are here and once we have the remaining two, we can finally uproot the Hanging Gardens of Babylon."

The knight nodded slowly before walking away, "Hang on!" Dark Matter called out, getting the knight's attention, "If you see a bunch of holy beings running around here, throw them in the dungeons along with the villagers. If you see a bunch of kids that don't look to be from around here then bring them to the temple," He looked at the pouch gleefully, "I have a little surprise for them."

In the shadows of the village, a group of religious figures and kids were hiding behind destroyed houses, out of sight from the Tenebris. A female religious figure with reddish-brown hair and wings looked left and right before quickly gliding to the next destroyed house, the other religious figures and kids following her.

"They did all this damage in one day?" The Mormon prophet Joseph Smith asked in amazement as he looked around.

"This is why the Tenebris are dangerous," The Gnostic Angel Sophia replied, "They'll stop at nothing to get what they want, even if it means half destroying my home."

"Dude do you see our parents anywhere?" Stan Marsh asked his best friend Kyle Bloflovski as they scanned the village.

"No I don't."

"They could be in the dungeons." Said Sophia.

"This village has a dungeon?" Charlie Pierzynski asked incredulously. She could hardly imagine a peaceful village like this to have a place to keep prisoners in.

"Yes, but it hasn't been used in a long time," Sophia answered, "not since the Tenebris invasion. Anyway, I think the important thing to do right now is get to the temple."

"Why there?" Andrew asked.

"It was the place where the Tenebris general tried to summon the Hanging Gardens of Babylon using the keystones. Had the Olympians not stepped in and took the keystones, Armageddon would've come again."

"That wasn't the first time that's happened?" Stan asked before realising that something was wrong with his other friend Eric Cartman. The fat kid clutched his stomach in pain as he groaned slightly.

"You're not gonna throw up now are you fatass?" Kyle asked. They really didn't have time for someone to be getting sick.

"It's not that," Mumbled Cartman, "it's my ass. I really need to get the wind out."

"Dude no!" Stan exclaimed, "If you fart now, you'll give us away!"

"Yeah well you all should've thought of that before dragging me into this crap."

"Can you not hold it in for a little bit longer-"Before Buddha can finished, flames erupted from Cartman's carcass as he farted and the house they were hiding behind immediately got caught on fire.

The nearby Tenebris knights turned to the sound of farting and saw a house surrounded by flames. It collapsed to the ground to reveal standing behind it a group religious figures and foreign looking children, all looking at the burnt house in stunned amazement.

"Thank God," Said Cartman, "I needed that."

"Oh shit." Said Krishna as the Tenebris advanced towards the group.

"Cartman you fucking idiot!"" Yelled Kyle, "You just revealed our presence to these things!"

"Hey! It was either fart or spontaneous combustion Jew!"

"Now's not the time for arguing!" Sophia shouted as she whipped out her sword. The Tenebris glared daggers at the female religious figure. They remember her too well and were determined to not to let her win again.

"Aw shit they're coming!" Screamed Stan as the Tenebris ran forward.

"Too late to turn back!" Sophia turned to the Super Best Friends, "All of you get ready to fight!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Today's the summer solstice in Europe," Said Rhinestone as he watched the sun rise over the sky.

"Ah jeez," Moaned Butters, "does this mean we're too late in stopping Dark Matter?"

"Hard to say, we're not the ones in Greece."

"Hey!" Everyone turned to find Winnates, Ike and Zoroaster running out of the woods to the campsite.

"Winnates? What're you doing back here?" Eisen asked when the three approached the theologists.

"I need to tell you guys something…"

"You found out the world was in danger didn't you?" Rhinestone asked, already knowing in advance what Winnates was about to say.

"Zoroaster!" Butters yelled in delight when he saw the prophet, "You came back!"

"Yeah I'm back and finally know what I'm doing. Now tell me where the others are hiding so we can go to Greece and kick some ass."

"I'm afraid you arrived a few hours too late," Said Iris as she hovered in front of Zoroaster, "I already teleported them to Alethea."

"What the hell?" Zoroaster exclaimed, "Why didn't they wait for me?"

"You walked out on us remember?" Butters reminded him, "We didn't think you'd change your mind."

"They also left for a more personal reason." Rhinestone replied as he gestured towards something on a table. On closer inspection, Zoroaster realised that Jesus was on that table, completely unmoving.

"Oh my God-!" Zoroaster ran to the table to take a closer look at the body, "What happened? How did he get like this?"

"We were attacked by a religious figure hunter," Eisen explained, "he used some sort of bazooka to suck Jesus' spirit into a conch shell."

"A religious figures' death sentence," Muttered Zoroaster, "figures."

"Yes, and as much as I want to take you to Greece I already used up the orb on the others." Said Iris.

"And my staff isn't built for long distance teleportation. It only works if you're in the same country." Said Zoroaster, "If only we can get them to help us." And then an idea struck the prophet, "That's it!"

"What's it?" Asked Winnates as Zoroaster took out a jewel encrusted silver bell.

"Hermes told me to ring this bell if we ever want to return to Olympus," Zoroaster explained, "I think now is the best time to go back there."

"We're going back to Olympus?" Karen McCormick asked.

"Oh good!" Iris exclaimed happily, "I can finally return to my domain. I thought Hermes was being ignorant when he gave you that bell but now I see he was right in doing so."

"Yes he was." Zoroaster said plainly as he dragged Jesus off the table by the sash.

"Ah jeez, we're actually bringing that with us?" Butters asked uncomfortably.

"We need a strategist to do Dark Matter in and what better way to do it by bringing the body with us. Alright Butters, Karen, Iris huddle around me." Said Zoroaster. They huddled around the prophet.

"Wait for me!" Yelled Ike before Zoroaster can ring the bell.

"O-Kay, the creepy infant Canadian is coming too."

"Good luck!" Winnates called out, "And be careful!"

"I'll send you all letters on how it all went." Said Zoroaster as he rang the bell, which emitted a soothing melody. In a flash of light Ike, Butter, Karen, Iris and Zoroaster were gone.

The group found themselves in the Centre Temple when they arrived. Zoroaster turned to find the Olympians minus Hephaestus looking back at them, "You eh…you guys knew we were coming didn't you?"

"I foresaw it," Apollo explained, "and informed everyone else."

"It's good to see you're back…and with what's left of Jesus," Said Hermes as he stared at the body.

"And we see you have our agent with us." Zeus said.

"Your agent-"Zoroaster realised that Ike stepped away from the group and walked towards the Olympians.

"Hello Ike," Hestia replied to the Canadian, "do you have your reports on your home area?"

"Right here." Ike answered as he held out papers for the Olympians.

"…You have a four year old Canadian for an agent?" Zoroaster asked incredulously.

"Don't judge us." Artemis retorted.

"And besides, he's a genius," Athena added, "but that's not the reason why you're here."

"Yeah you're right," Zoroaster remembered in a flash why he came here, "the Super Best Friends have went off to Alethea with Sophia and the kids to take on Dark Matter. They may stand a chance if we go and help them."

"We?" Asked Aphrodite.

"Yeah, you're all gonna help protect one of your home villages aren't you?"

"…We want to help you Zoroaster we really do," Hermes replied after a long pause, "the only problem is we can't."

"What the hell-why not?" Zoroaster demanded, "Aren't those your people down there?"

"We can't get involved in mortal affairs," Said Hestia, "not after the Deity Peace Treaty was signed."

"Seriously, _what _is this treaty who all keep talking about?" Zoroaster asked, "Aren't you all gonna tell us?"

"In a spinoff maybe, but not today." Said Apollo.

"And since when do you care about helping the others?" Artemis asked suspiciously, "Last I recalled you didn't care about doing the task you were supposed to do."

"People can change; now tell me what I'm supposed to do!" Zoroaster demanded, "I only use my elemental powers for self-defence and my only backup is these two kids and a dead religious figure who's starting to smell like decay."

"Don't worry," Said Hestia soothingly, "Hephaestus is nearly finishing it."

"Finishing what?" Asked Zoroaster.

"Speaking of Hephaestus, where is he?" Butters wondered aloud as he looked around the temple, trying to find a God with a paper bag over his head.

"Hermes, take them to Hephaestus' temple," Zeus said to the Messenger God, "it's almost time."

"Ah good. You're all right on time," Said Hephaestus as Hermes entered the temple with Butters, Karen and Zoroaster, "It's just about ready."

"What's ready?" Zoroaster asked, and Hephaestus answered his question when the blacksmith presented to him a hand sized blaster. It was pure white with the rim a golden colour. There were silver wings on the sides of the blaster.

"Is that a blaster?" Butters asked.

"More than a blaster, it's an Olympian blaster," Hephaestus said proudly as he handed the blaster to Zoroaster, "made from the whitest of clouds and hardened to create the shape you want it to be. Keep in mind that you'll only get one shot out of it so use it when the time is right."

"So how is it gonna help if I can only use it once?" Zoroaster half demanded.

"You can use it to destroy the Hanging Gardens of Babylon if Dark Matter succeeds in uprooting it." Hermes suggested, "Anyway, I think you should focus more on getting to the other religious figures for now."

"Good point. Iris," Zoroaster turned to the Rainbow Goddess as he grabbed Jesus by the sash, "take me and the kids to Alethea, no turning back style."

"As long as you don't touch anything." Iris retorted as she led them all to her temple.

"Thank God," Hephaestus sighed in relief, "that corpse was starting to stink up the place."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Hello…" the General called out from the closet, "Can I come out now?"

"How do I know you won't go off and blow up some random place just to get rid of the religious figures?" Vosknocker asked as he listened in on the monitor.

"I've been in here all night!" The General exclaimed, "Isn't that punishable enough?"

"There are many different kinds of punishment," Said Vosknocker, "some of them are worse than others."

"…Okay how about this," The General replied, "If I promise not to launch any missiles on random places will you let me out?"

"Do you sincerely promise?" Asked Vosknocker.

"I do."

"Do you pinkie promise?"

"…Yes, I pinkie promise."

Five minutes later.

"While you were locked in the closet I managed to find the location of the religious figure," Vosknocker explained as he and the General sat around the table where the monitor was placed, "it appears that he is now somewhere in Greece."

"Are you sure?" The General asked but the monitor answered the question for him.

"_Alethea must be beyond those hills,"_ Zoroaster voice issued through the monitor, _"that's where the others must be, alright Butters, help me carry Jesus."_

"_You want me to carry a dead body?" _The childish voice asked with fright.

"_He's dead for now, but we just need to rescue his spirit and he'll be back to life, good as new, now help me carry him!"_

"Did he say Alethea earlier?" The General asked.

"Yes, it's a village in Greece," Vosknocker explained, "It's one of the oldest places in the world and the most traditional. The place is a colony for Gnostics, it's also very peaceful."

"Why would the religious figure go to a village like that?" The General wondered aloud, "What could possibly be so interesting about a place full of hippie fags."

Sophia slashed a nearby Tenebris knight with her sword. The knight fell to the ground in a heap, "We need to get to the temple!"

"There's too many of them!" Krishna replied as he electrocuted a nearby knight, "We'll never get there at this rate!"

"Doesn't anyone have a plan?" Stan asked in panic.

"Usually Jesus is the one who comes up with a plan." Smith answered as he freezed a knight in place with his ice breath.

"Jesus is not with us!" Sophia retorted, "His exterior form is still in Oregon while his spirit is here somewhere!"

"Do you have to choose now to remind us?" Kyle asked in exasperation as more knights surrounded the group, even the Super Best Friends found themselves overwhelmed by the number.

"I think we're in trouble." Buddha muttered.

"I told you this was a fucking suicide mission!" Cartman cried.

The Super Best Friends and Sophia were thrown into a cell in the dungeons while Andrew was sent in a cell with the villagers.

"You will never get away with this!" Sophia shouted defiantly, "The Gods will never allow this to happen!" One of the Tenebris knights angrily banged on the bars of their cell to silence her, receiving equal glares from the Super Best Friends. The knights then walked out of the dungeons, leaving the villagers and religious figures alone.

"This is something we did not plan out." Said Seaman as he sat on a creaking bed.

"What do we do now?" Andrew asked from his own cell, "How are we gonna escape?"

"…We don't know…" Smith said defeated, "we honestly don't know…"

"We need to get out of here!" Sophia exclaimed.

"And then what? Get captured again?" Krishna asked sarcastically, "There are hundreds of those things patrolling the place. At this point it's going to take a miracle to stop Dark Matter."

"Miracle or not, we still need to try!"

"Sophia he's right," Buddha said calmly, "even if I pry the bars open there's a strong chance the Tenebris will defeat and possibly even kill us."

"But my home…" Even as she said it, Sophia fell to her knees, her wings drooping and tears falling from her face. Smith also came to his knees and hugged the sobbing angel close, trying to comfort her as much as possible.

The Super Best Friends knew that the possibility of defeating their worst enemy so far and saving the world was hopeless now. Their leader was dead and in time they will join him. All is lost.

"…I wonder where the Tenebris are taking the others." Andrew wondered to himself.

"Hey asshole, don't carry me by the legs, it's exposing my balls." Yelled Cartman as the Tenebris knights carried the kids to the temple.

"Dude that's gross!" Cried Kyle, "Did you have to wear that skirt throughout all this?"

"It's your fault; you all didn't give me the chance to change into different clothes!"

"Well we weren't just gonna wait for you, we needed to go!" Stan retorted.

"Yeah well no thanks to you asswipes, we're about to become dead meat." Cartman exclaimed as they got closer to the temple.

"We really need a miracle right about now." Charlie whispered.

"I know Charlie," Kyle replied, "I know." At the back of his mind he wished Zoroaster was with them.


	5. Chapter 5

**This is the chapter where we discover the true identity of Dark Matter. If you don't know who it is at this point then it means you have not read Gods Don't Exist carefully enough.**

**Chapter 5**

"Ah good you brought them." Dark Matter said as the knights entered the temple still carrying the kids. Kyle noticed that two of the pedestals had the blue and green keystones on top of them.

"I must admit, you kids really proven to be a bigger pain in the ass than I anticipated but I have you all nonetheless…and your parents as well."

"Mom, dad!" Stan yelled as he saw his parents with their hands tied behind their backs along with the other adults.

"Stanley there's something you should know," Randy said calmly, "this village is cursed."

"Uh Mister Dark Matter sir I think there's been a misunderstanding," Cartman exclaimed, trying to put on a girl's voice, "I don't know anybody here, I'm just a prostitute."

"…I know it's you bub," Dark Matter said bluntly, "and I know you kids have something that I want."

He nodded at the knight who held Stan and knight turned the kid upside down and started shaking him.

"Ah dude, cut that out!" Stan yelled through the shaking. The knight continued shaking him until the yellow keystone dropped from his coat pocket.

"Thank you." Dark Matter replied as he picked up the keystone and put it on the pedestal, "Everything is almost in ready. We just need to find the fourth keystone and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon will rise from the earth once again."

"The Super Best Friends will come," Charlie said coldly, "and you'll be sorry for capturing us."

Dark Matter laughed at the threat, "Those holy beings you call 'heroes' are behind bars in the dungeons, even they acknowledge that there is no way of stopping me, not when I'm so close."

"Maybe we can negotiate here," Randy told the villain, "what if we promise not to get in your way, will you then let us all go?"

"Zip it Randy!" Dark Matter replied. There a long silence at what he said.

"…How did you know my name?" Randy asked incredulously.

"It has been twenty-five years and you no longer remember?" Dark Matter wondered aloud, "I might as well rejog your memory before you all die, like Jesus." The villain pulled off his mask and all the adults gasped in shock at the face from the past. They knew who it was, they knew exactly who it was.

"Dude what're they so shocked about?" Stan asked his best friend.

"I have no idea." Kyle answered.

Meanwhile on the outskirts of Alethea…

"I'll wager there're about four dozen of those things in the village." Zoroaster muttered as he looked at Alethea from atop a tree. Jesus' body lay next to standing prophet on its back.

"How're we gonna get in there without being seen?" Butter asked as he held Karen's hand, helping her keep her balance on the tree.

"That's gonna be a problem." Zoroaster replied. He looked at the dead body and noticed something shiny on its wrist, "What's that on his wrist?"

"It must be one of those special watch thingies." Butters answered, "You use them for communicating people."

"Communicating eh?" And then an idea struck the prophet. He reached over to unstrap the watch, "Sorry Jesus, but I need to borrow this." He strapped the watch on his own wrist and pressed a small button on it. Although the screen on the watch was small, Zoroaster could still see a section of the Hall of the Super Best Friends looking back at him…and a sleeping Moses.

"I think we're sucking diesel," Zoroaster muttered to the two kids before turning to the small screen, "Hello Moses? Moses...Oh are you kidding me? **MOSES!**"

"Huh? What?" Moses awakened at the sound of Zoroaster's scream and noticed that the computer screen showed his face, "Zoroaster? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," The prophet replied, "listen Moses, we know where the Super Best Friends are. They've all been captured by a villain named Dark Matter, Jesus…was…also captured." He said the last part slowly and carefully, he didn't feel it was right that Moses should know what really happened to Jesus, "we need your help in rescuing them."

"Did you say 'we'?" Moses asked.

"Yeah, Butters and Karen are here also, but that's not important. The place where the Super Best Friends are being held prisoner in is heavily guarded. We need to know any other way to get past the guards without being seen, do you have any suggestions?"

"…Um…let me think…" Moses muttered. Why is it that he has to answer everyone's problems when they can clearly do it themselves?, "um…did you try going underground?"

"I highly doubt this place has a sewage system Moses." Zoroaster replied.

"There are other forms of underground transportation," Said Moses, "the place of your destination could have catacombs underneath."

"Catacombs…like in Paris but hopefully less spooky. Alright, we'll go look for an entrance for catacombs." Said Zoroaster before the screen went blank.

"What did he say?" Butters asked when Zoroaster turned off the watch.

"We need to find an entrance to catacombs," Zoroaster explained, "like a secret passage, one that even Dark Matter doesn't know about."

A gust of wind appeared under his feet and Zoroaster fell lightly on his feet off the tree. The same gust of wind carried Butters, Karen and the body to the ground.

"I wish I could do that." Said Butters as the gust of wind disappeared in Zoroaster's palm.

"You need to meet the Iranian archangels to learn the elements," Zoroaster replied, "and we're supposed to be looking for entrances to catacombs remember?"

"Right sorry, but where will we find the entrance?"

Zoroaster looked around for anything that looked suspicious but nothing appealed to him. He closed his eyes and walked forward slowly, as a child he was taught that he must see the unseeable with his mind, not his eyes and right now he needed to use this ability to find the entrance.

"Zoroaster?" Butters noticed the prophet slowly walking forward with his eyes closed. He and Karen followed him, with Butters carrying the body, "You're lighter than you look."

Zoroaster ignored the noises around him, ignored his surroundings and shut down his senses altogether and only focused on one thing.

Find the entrance…

He saw a bush in front of him that was swaying in a peculiar way.

Find the entrance…

He slowly walked towards the bush, keeping his senses shut down.

Find the entrance…

He pushed the bush to one side and when he opened his eyes he found a secret entrance underneath the bush. He turned to the approaching kids, "I think we found the entrance."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Oh my God, Simon Nicoles!" Randy yelled in surprise, "_You're _Dark Matter!"

"You asked me that twelve fucking times already you jackass." Dark Matter murmured.

"Ignore him," Stan told the villain, "he's kind of an idiot."

"I was in the same class with him; I know what your father is like."

"But this is impossible," Stuart exclaimed, "the last time we saw you was when we were all ten and you were sent to a mental asylum."

"I got out ten years later after that incident," Dark Matter explained, "because according to the nurses I wasn't mentally unstable but very disturbed in a good way."

"Sure they didn't get it wrong?" Cartman asked sarcastically, which resulted in the knight holding him to squeeze him briefly.

"Zip it tubby!" Dark Matter replied.

"Dude think about what you're doing!" Kyle shouted desperately, "There are innocent people on this planet. You're gonna put them in danger if you this!"

"True but if it means making my plan a success then it'll be worth it." Dark Matter exclaimed, "And I have all your parents to thank for in my moment of triumph."

"What about our parents?" Stan demanded, "What made you do something like this?"

The villain turned around, facing the three keystones, "Well, I suppose it really began twenty-five years ago when your parents played that prank on me involving Denver Bronco cards. I spent quite a lot of time in that asylum because of that prank. They were in the outside world, having futures, careers, families of their own while I rotted away in that asylum and I wasn't just going to stand by and take it, so for the next ten years I tried to think of ways to exact sweet, painful revenge on your parents but they were not perfect enough. At least that was until I had the accidental fortune of researching a Greek village called Alethea."

"You mean you knew about Althea before all this happened?" Charlie asked.

"It may have looked like any normal village but something about it intrigued me, enchanted me beyond anything I could ever imagined," Dark Matter continued, ignoring the girl's question, "I researched everything I wanted to know about the village. Its people, its history, where it lives in Greece, I researched vigorously until I came across a particular interesting piece of information."

His lips curled into a smile as his eyes lingered on the three keystones, "The Keystones of Babylon. Many records about the origins of Alethea, the formation of the Pura Fides and the keystones themselves were lost because of its war with the Tenebris, but I did found bits and pieces. I learned that the younger members believed they were formed when Abraham died when really they were formed during the Alethean War. I learned about Alethea herself, daughter of Abraham, founder and namesake of this village and most importantly; the Keeper of the Keystones, someone who proved a threat to my plans which did not mentally form until after I discovered that the Tenebris tried to use the keystones to uproot the Hanging Gardens of Babylon during the war on the summer solstice. I seized the moment when I was let out of that asylum. I spent the next fifteen years trying to look for the four keystones to make my plan a reality. During that time I attracted a lot of supporters who aided me in the search, of course they knew nothing of my real intentions, but they played their part well nonetheless."

Dark Matter turned to face the kids, "There was no way they could've known I planned on using the keystones to uproot the Hanging Gardens of Babylon during a summer solstice and then use the ancient temple on South Park, thereby destroying the mountain town that casted me aside and ruined my life." A shocked silence filled the temple as everyone took in what the villain said.

"…That...is without a doubt…the most insane and unsettling thing to do," Randy broke the silence, "suddenly being sued by celebrities isn't so bad."

"Wait you said that the Keeper of the Keystones was a threat to your plans," Kyle said when he realised something, "so why did you want the Super Best Friends out of the way as well?"

"Do you remember the United Atheist Movement?" Dark Matter pressed on, "Of course you do, well those very same supporters who helped me were in fact atheists. They thought that I was helping them in making atheism the only religion by getting rid of a super hero group called the Super Best Friends. At first I thought they were bluffing but then I realised they were actually serious when I did a little research. I realised that these Super Best Friends would be just as much a thorn on my side as the keeper, so I played along with what the atheists want. We formed an organisation to support atheism and formed plans on how to get rid of the religious figures. I formed the perfect plan on how to do it."

"By dumping them all in Babylon." Stan concluded.

"Some of them but not all of them. I had to be subtle about it though. I sent them an anonymous message last year and they fell for it. They went to the temple of Babylon where a certain illusionist I hired to kill them lied in wait. That same illusionist failed as you know and the Super Best Friends escaped so I hired a more professional religious figure hunter."

"So we saw," Kyle said icily, "What about the keystones?"

"Although I was focused on killing the Super Best Friends I was still committed to finding the keystones," Dark Matter continued, "I did find one a few weeks ago in the hands of a Pura Fides member, also a descendant of Alethea, who was named Erastus."

"So it was you!" Carol shouted, "You killed my dad!"

"And if I didn't make a sacrifice in getting the first keystone, you wouldn't have known about your heritage. Of course that did have good consequences…for me anyway. It was said that if a relative of Alethea died at the hands of his or her own kind then the Tenebris will come back to life and back to life they came the moment Erastus died from that bullet wound. And the rest…well…you kids know what happened so you don't need me to tell you."

"How can you live with you self?" Charlie demanded, "You endangered millions, killed lives and even deceived believers! You're nothing but a monster!"

"And you won't get away with this!" Stan added defiantly, "You won't ever get away with this!"

"Oh yah?" Dark Matter asked, "And who's going to stop me?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Zoroaster held the white flame in his hand as him, Butters and Karen walked through the tunnels of the catacombs.

"It's really amazing how some people would use catacombs just for praying," Zoroaster said sarcastically, "in my opinion they look more like escape tunnels than anything else, except for the ones in Paris, obviously."

"What makes you say that?" Butters asked.

"If I tell you then you'd get nightmares." Just then a faint echo was heard in the distance.

"What was that?" Karen asked.

"I have no idea." Zoroaster and the others etched closer to the sound of the voice. As they moved closer the echo got clearer and louder.

"Hello?"

"That sounded like a hello." Said Butters.

"I'm not deaf, I heard it too." Zoroaster retorted as they got closer to the source of the voice. They then noticed a pink-haired woman that looked suspiciously like…

"Nurse Gollum!" Butters exclaimed happily when he saw her, "What're you doing here?"

"I was dumped in these catacombs when I was captured," Gollum explained, "Dark Matter sealed off the entrance to this place so I wouldn't get out."

"Zoroaster, you remember Nurse Gollum right?" Butters asked the prophet.

"I remember the fetes attached to her face," He replied, "the unmoving fetes like Jesus right now."

"Oh God," Gollum covered her nose when she saw the dead body, "that corpse is stinking up the place, how can you stand it?"

"Years of looking after animals has made me immune to bad smells," Zoroaster explained casually as he looked at the two tunnels that went into different directions, "I think we have two choices."

"Which way will we go?" Karen asked.

"Good question…" Zoroaster knew that he needed to stop Dark Matter before it's too late but he also needed the Super Best Friends to do that. Looking at the two tunnels then gave him an idea, "fetes lady-"

"I have a name!"

"Right, well here's what I want you to do," Zoroaster turned to the group, "I need you to go with the kids and Jesus to the tunnel on the left while I take the one on the right."

"On your own?" Butters asked.

"If we're ever going to find the others and stop Dark Matter we need to explore both ways," Zoroaster explained as he removed his staff from his fabric belt, "we'll cover more ground that way and besides I don't want to be slowed down when I'm going this way."

"I understand I think." Butters muttered.

"Good luck and be careful." Gollum called out as she and the kids went off to the left tunnel.

"We're religious figures," Zoroaster muttered to himself, "we get killed way too often." He waited until the others were out of sight before pointing his staff to the right, "Find the Super Best Friends…" The staff vibrated in his hand until it emitted a faint glow. Zoroaster then allowed the staff to drag him to his location.

The tunnel appears to go in a curvy pattern, considering Zoroaster went through a lot of turns. He looked around; when this is all over-and if he survived-he was going to have to learn more about catacombs. His staff then pointed to a wall on the right. He tilted his head slightly; could the Super Best Friends be on the other side? Zoroaster touched the wall with his staff and as it touched, wisps of water and air seeped into the wall through the staff. The wall began to soften and then fell off, revealing pure earth in front of the prophet.

"And now to make a tunnel." Zoroaster said aloud. Suddenly a crack appeared and spread from the hole to the ceiling of the tunnel. Bits of stone fell off.

"Uh-oh." Zoroaster replied as he ducked for cover.

Brutos was walking to the temple with the conch shell in his hands when he heard a crumbling noise under his feet. He looked down too late when the ground around him collapsed, taking Brutos with him.

Zoroaster was expecting the surface ground to fall on top of him but instead it fell in the opposite direction, away from him and the exposed wall earth. When the small land slide finished Zoroaster saw a conch shell fall at the end. He walked forward and picked it up. As he did so he thought he saw something glow inside it, something alive, and then it hit him.

"Jesus…" He murmured, "Hey Butters I found…aw dammit!" He yelled when he remembered where Jesus' body was right now. Shaking his head, he tucked the conch shell in his fabric belt and started digging a tunnel in the wall, using his water and air elements. As he did so he thought he heard a groan somewhere in the pile of earth behind him.

**That was the third time in a row that Brutos got indirectly injured by Zoroaster, at least the prophet has the conch shell and more importantly: does the tunnel lead to the Super Best Friends? We'll find out soon.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"It's true what they say;" Andrew said in his cell, "at the heart of every myth and legend lays a speck of truth."

"We really don't have time for this," Sophia muttered as she tried to look for a way out, "if only we had entered the village through the catacombs…"

"There're catacombs underneath your village?" Krishna asked.

"Yes, during the war my people used them as evacuation tunnels. They exited to the outskirts of Alethea, though they're not anywhere near the dungeons."

Andrew then noticed something off at the front wall of their cell, "What's that?"

The Super Best Friends turned to look at the wall, "That's water leaking from the wall," Smith observed, "a burst pipe perhaps?"

"There are no pipes next to this dungeon," Sophia replied slowly, just then wisps of air began to surround the wall, "that's not natural water."

Suddenly the wall collapsed to reveal a tunnel and someone at the entrance of the hole.

"Thank God I found you guys!" Zoroaster exclaimed at the entrance of the tunnel, "For a minute there I thought I went the wrong way!"

"Zoroaster! What're you doing here?" Seaman asked when the religious figures gathered around the entrance.

"What do you think? I came here to rescue you guys."

"…Why?" Krishna asked after a short pause.

"Hey there's a possibility that the temple will be heavily guarded and I'm not stupid enough to face Dark Matter alone-"

"No, he means why did you come back?" Smith replied, "What made you come back?"

"Oh that…" Zoroaster paused for a moment about what to say about that, "I guess I just needed to discover who I was again."

"…That is a very lame reason." Said Buddha.

"Hey it's better than the reason you all gave me about your powers," Zoroaster remarked, "look I know I said some things that may have been insensitive but that was then…"

"And this is now." Sophia finished for him.

"Besides, how else are we gonna bring him back?" Zoroaster pulled the conch shell out of his belt and showed it to the other religious figures.

"Is that…?" Sophia began.

"A conch shell that contains Jesus' spirit? Yes it is."

"How did you get it from the hunter?" Krishna asked incredulously.

"I just found it on the ground next to a pile of earth, I didn't encounter a hunter." Zoroaster answered before addressing the Aletheans, "Alright, listen up Aletheans, this tunnel that I'm in leads to the catacombs of your village. As soon as Buddha breaks the bars you all need to go to the exit that has a bush above it…"

"…What the fuck?" Krishna wondered aloud.

"I already wrote a map on where the location of the exit is. You all need to go to the exit while me and the other religious figures head towards the temple."

"But that place could be heavily guarded," Andrew exclaimed, "You'll never get through."

"Who said anything about entering it on the surface?" Zoroaster turned to the others, "We'll be going underground to get to the temple but instead of taking the catacombs, we'll be taking a special route to get there, if you all don't mind doing that"

"I think you're the only one in this room with a structured plan Zoroaster," Sophia replied, "however you plan on getting to the temple, we'll follow."

Zoroaster smiled slightly, "In that case, here's how we'll get there…"

Gollum carried the dead Jesus as the group walked through the tunnel, ""This must be ten miles long or something."

"I think we're getting close," Butters replied, "I can hear voices up above us." Sure enough, voices were heard directly above them.

"You're right and there's a ladder up ahead, maybe we can find out where it leads to." As Gollum and Karen walked on ahead, Butters spotted something to his right. He walked over and looked at the object curiously; it was cube shaped, glowing a bright red with symbols engraved in it.

"Now what's a fancy looking cube like yourself doing in a place like this?" Butters asked himself as he picked the cube up.

"Butters!"

The puffball snapped out of his thoughts and quickly pocketed the cube, "Wh-I'm coming!" He raced off to catch up with the others.

**What did Butters find? Does anyone know?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"I still don't get this plan of yours." Randy exclaimed, "I honestly don't."

"It really isn't that hard to follow," Dark Matter replied with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "I find the keystones, use them to uproot the Hanging Gardens of Babylon during the summer solstice and then destroy your town with the ancient temple. I don't understand how you can't follow something that simple."

"I'm still confused-"

"All right, I think this has gone on far enough!" Gerald intervened, "Look Simon, I know you're still upset about what we did to you twenty-five years ago, but even you need to understand that we were only kids back then."

"Well you all should've thought about the consequences before playing that prank," Dark Matter retorted, "and now you're going to pay the price because of it."

If there was one thing Kyle learned about this villain it was that he talked too much. If they all want to get out this alive he knew he needed to work that weakness to his advantage, "Hey Dark Matter, before you go and find the keystone, I want to know how you knew where the temple was."

"Why are asking me this?" Dark Matter asked suspiciously.

"I just want to know how you figured out this was the right temple, that the Babylonian temple was buried directly underneath the village. That it isn't a hoax temple."

"Eh Kyle what're doing?" Cartman whispered urgently, "We're not supposed to warm up to the enemy."

"You're one to talk fatass," Kyle shot back, "you warm up to enemies all the time."

Dark Matter stroked his chin in thought, not paying attention to the boys' argument, "They say that curiosity killed the cat, but I supposed it isn't bad if you use it in moderation, might as well give you all a quick history lesson before your demise comes."

He straightened the keystones on the pedestals while talking, "If you all met the Lady of the Temple, which I highly doubt you did, you will learn that there are thousands of temple replicas in the world, some that are the splitting image of the original thing. In order to know which temple is real, one needs to study the history of different countries and their relations, it is only through studying their history, culture, and people that you can truly succeed in finding the right temple."

Dark Matter turned to look at the kids, "I spent years trying to find the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, searching every country, town, ancient city, even crumbling ruins just to find it, sure I almost lost my mind in the process…"

"Almost?" Charlie asked incredulously, she was starting to think that Dark Matter already lost his mind to begin with.

"But in the end my persistence paid off," Dark Matter continued, "the Hanging Gardens of Babylon will rise again, South Park will be destroyed and it is only then that I will be satisfied. I'll admit that some countries will also suffer, but of course, sacrifices must be made. And no one, not even the Super Best Friends can stop me now."

"The Super Best Friends haven't lost," Stan remarked, "not yet, unlike us ordinary people, they know how to work in religious harmony."

"You just don't get it do you?" Dark Matter replied, "It's over, I won, religion failed."

"No it hasn't dude," Stan said, "sure religion has its faults and is slowly becoming extinct and sure it has beliefs that conflict with the modern world's beliefs, like evolution, science, maybe even the big bang theory…and I mean the actual theory not the TV show, the point is that no matter who we are or where we come from, we all carry a bit of all the major religions inside us, even atheists and agnostics. And who knows? Maybe in time we can all learn that science and religion really do work hand-in-hand, so in a way, religion hasn't failed as long as you know how to use it."

A long silence filled the temple, "…Wow," Dark Matter said sarcastically, "you would honestly make such a gay little speech just to save your town. I mean come _on_!"

He paced back and forth, "Seriously you're just not getting it! I'm going to blow up your town one way or another. Who cares about South Park anyway? The town is full of nothing but drunk, idiotic, redneck assholes!"

While Dark Matter was talking the kids noticed a marble stone move on the floor. It then sprung open to reveal Butters popping his head up from the ground.

"Am I the only one who realises that your town is full of idiots?"

All the Tenebris stared at the puffball and almost immediately rushed towards him, the knights who held the kids dropped them and joined the others in catching Butters.

"Oh hamburgers." Butters exclaimed as he managed to avoid the Tenebris just in time and race away from them. The scene of Butters being chased by the Tenebris would've attracted Dark Matter's attention but fortunately, he was too busy ranting to notice.

"Child abduction and the Iraq War, complete and utter examples that South Park is an idiot colony!"

The kids watched in amazement as Nurse Gollum, carrying Jesus' dead body and Karen also appeared from the hole. Gollum quietly put the body to one side and ushered to the adults.

"Oh look, let's all make a big deal out of school mascots," Dark Matter exclaimed in a childish voice, "let's make it into a presidential vote, blah, blah, blah…"

While Butters was still being chased by the Tenebris the adults quietly crept towards the hole in the ground and jumped in.

"And what about global warming huh? Or tolerance? Yeah, they really made an impression of that!"

When all the adults were safely in the catacombs Gollum went to get the kids but just then Butters went dangerously close to them, with the Tenebris hot on his trail.

"We better move asswipes!" Cartman exclaimed in alarm.

"Do you understand now? It's over!" Dark Matter finished, "You lost, I won."

Just then there was a crashing noise close to where the kids were.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The wall inside the empty chamber dissolved in a pile of mud. Zoroaster climbed out of the tunnel and looked around.

"Sheesh what a dump," Zoroaster said as the rest of the Super Best Friends climbed out of the tunnel, "looking at this place almost makes look like we're doing Dark Matter a favour."

"Where did you say Jesus' body was again?" Smith asked as the others joined Zoroaster.

"It's with Butters, the fetes lady and Karen," He replied, "alright everyone stay quiet, we're right below the Alethean temple."

"How can you tell?" Sophia asked.

"You said that the temple lies in the centre of your village, well the Hanging Gardens of Babylon is also in the centre of the village."

"Do you mean to tell us," Krishna said slowly, "that you led us inside the Babylonian temple itself?"

"Just one of the chambers," Zoroaster answered, "directly on top of Dark Matter so we can get him, look it's gonna work out, I got it all figured out, all you guys have to do now is trust me."

"Zoroaster…" Sophia said softly.

"Just trust me."

"The keystone!" Dark Matter screamed when he saw the red keystone in front of Butters, who was behind the pile of Tenebris knights who crashed into each other, "At last, now it shall be uprooted!"

"Nurse Gollum get out of here!" Kyle shouted as he dragged the school nurse to the catacomb entrance as Dark Matter picked up the keystone.

"I'm not leaving here without you!"" She retorted.

"Stuff like this happens to us all the time and we make it out alive, we'll be alright. Now get out!" He pushed Gollum into the hole just as Dark Matter placed the last keystone on the pedestal. The effect was immediate, the four keystones glowed and sparks violently appeared from them. They became enveloped in the bright light that made it impossible to see them. The temple began to shake violently and cracks began to appear on the walls.

"Uh fellas," Butters said fearfully as the walls around them began to crumble away, "Don't you think we should be heading off now?"

"It's too late now Butters," Stan said grimly.

"Are you fucking serious?" Cartman screamed as the Tenebris knights fell through the cracked walls.

"I think that spot will do." Zoroaster said as he looked at a particular spot in the ceiling, "Buddha, we're gonna need you to break through that ceiling." Just then the chamber began to shake violently.

"This can't be good." He muttered when it was felt that the whole chamber was moving upwards. The earth surrounding the temple began to fall away.

"Oh God, he's already done it!" Sophia screamed as the Super Best Friends kept their grips against the moving chamber.

"You mean Dark Matter succeeded in uprooting the Hanging Gardens of Babylon?" Buddha asked.

"Yes," Sophia replied, "and now the world will understand the true meaning of Armageddon!"

The entire village shook as the Hanging Gardens of Babylon emerged from the ground. It grew larger in chambers as it came further away from the ground. Four columns supported the roofs of the chambers. When it was completely off the ground it flew upwards into the dark clouds, thunder was heard as it went up.

"Yes, _yes_!" Dark Matter cackled as the temple came to a halt in the clouds, "Let the wrath of Dark Matter begin!"

One story below the top of the temple, the Super Best Friends ran out of the chamber to find that they were in ominous black clouds.

"Oh dear God!" Zoroaster groaned when he couldn't see the ground, "Airsickness!"

"You don't like flying?" Smith asked, but his question was answered when Zoroaster vomited on his shoes, "…That's a yes."

"We need to stop Dark Matter!" Sophia exclaimed as Zoroaster slowly leaned on a column.

"We need a strategy if we're gonna take down that madman." Krishna said. Just then something fell on top of Zoroaster who let out a yelp when that happened. When the Super Best Friends gathered around him they discovered it was Jesus' body that fell on him.

"It's Jesus…sort of!" Buddha exclaimed, "But where did it come from?"

"It must have come from the top of the temple," Sophia said slowly, "which means…"

"The kids are up there as well." Zoroaster finished as he pushed the body off. He looked at the stairs that led to the top before taking the conch shell out of his robes.

"Revive Jesus by breaking the conch shell." He quickly gave the conch shell to Sophia before running towards the stairs.

"Zoroaster, where are you going?" Smith called out.

"I'm gonna stop Dark Matter long enough for you guys to revive Jesus!" He answered as he ran, "Meet me at the top when he's brought back to life!"

"Be careful…" Sophia whispered.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The keystones were merged into one, forming a giant cube in the middle of the platform that glowed a pale cyan colour. Dark Matter circled the giant cube.

"Take me to South Park, Colorado," He commanded to the cube, "I have a special surprise for that town." The Hanging Gardens of Babylon then moved west towards Dark Matter's destination in a very slow manner, "Ah c'mon! You've got to move faster than this!"

Behind the columns that kept the roof in place, the kids watched the villain working the controls of the cube.

"Are we going to die?" Charlie asked quietly.

"Probably." Stan answered.

If this is the end then there's something I want to get out of my chest." Cartman turned to Kyle, "Jew we've been through a lot you and I, some bad some good. You stopped me from getting rid of stuff I want gone, like _Family Guy_."

"Dude what're talking about?" Asked Kyle.

"It's a long complicated, stupid story and I don't mean stupid like continuing _Two and a Half Men_ without Charlie Sheen. All I'm saying is that if we do make it out alive…Kyle…you owe me."

A long silence filled the top of the temple, "…What?" Kyle wondered aloud.

"You owe me an iPad," Cartman said simply, "because I was right about the Hanging Gardens of Babylon existing-Ow! Ah! Stop Kyle, stop!" Kyle immediately started punching Cartman multiple times in the stomach.

"You fucking, selfish asshole!" Kyle shouted between punches, "Every single person on this planet, including your friends and family are in danger and all you've been thinking about was that stupid iPad? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can't you for once think of other people?"

While that was going on Dark Matter went to touch the cube only for his hand to be shocked before he can barely touch it, "What the-"He jerked his hand away and when he did he saw a force field around the cube which was visible for a minute and then disappeared.

"That was not there before." He murmured.

"Hey asshole!" Dark Matter turned to find Zoroaster walking up the steps that led to the top.

"One of the religious figures!" He screeched, "I thought they were imprisoned!"

"I let them out," Zoroaster said bluntly, "so we meet at last Dark Matter. I heard some ugly stuff about you and they were right."

"If you've come to stop me then your efforts will be futile," Dark Matter snarled, "the keystones have become one with the temple, in a matter of moments I will arrive at my destination!"

"I don't think so," Zoroaster pulled the Olympian blaster from his robes, "I have a blaster and I'm not afraid to use it!"

He ran towards the cube but when he came a millimetre close to it his entire body was shocked by the force field. He was sent flying back on the ground.

"Ya see," Dark Matter said plainly, "there's a shield surrounding the keystones. It is presumably unbreakable even for you."

"That was unexpected," Zoroaster replied as he stood up, "but I'm not giving up." Before he could move any further, Dark Matter whipped a conch shell out from his pocket, "Oh God no…"

"Oh so you do know what happens if a religious figure comes across one of these." Dark Matter smirked as he worked closer to the prophet, "Brutos taught me a few lessons about how to completely kill a holy being. If there's one thing I learned it's that if you want something done you've got to do it yourself."

"You're not-you're not really thinking about doing this are you?" Zoroaster asked nervously, taking a step back, "Maybe, maybe we can talk about this, reach an agreement maybe?"

"It's too late for that now…for you anyway," Dark Matter held the conch shell directly towards Zoroaster's chest, "goodbye Prophet of Ancient Iran."

**Will Zoroaster survive? We'll find out soon. You all thought Cartman was gonna express his feelings for Kyle didn't you? Yeah, I don't do slash.**


	12. Chapter 12

**This. Is. It. The big climax is here.**

**Chapter 12**

"NO!" Charlie raced away from the others and stood in front of Zoroaster, "You can't kill him! It's not right!"

"Oh so now you trust a religious figure." He muttered.

"Charlie, what're you doing?" Kyle and the others caught up with her just as Dark Matter lowered the conch shell.

"Stand aside kid," He commanded, "I have a spirit to suck out."

"No! I'm not letting you hurt him!"

"Uh-huh," Dark Matter stared at the girl, "if I recall, you were the one who said religious figures don't exist, so why is it that you now care if something bad happens to them?"

"Because religious figures…are ordinary people too." Charlie said calmly.

"What're talking about Charlie?" Stan asked.

"Think about it," Charlie continued, "Don't religious figures have the same emotions as us? Don't they express happiness, sadness, anger and curiosity like us? And didn't they start out their lives as babies and slowly went through childhood to adulthood like us humans?"

She looked directly at the villain, "Sure they can't die, they have powers, they're descended from Gods and must be treated with the highest respect and regard and hey, they can't even be mocked or insulted, but they're still like us. They're protecting this world while at the same time trying to live normal, everyday lives…just like us."

"_And I don't have to remind you that they're gonna be around long after we're all dead," _The General and Vosknocker listened intently to Charlie's speech on the monitor, _"So in a way, that makes them more ordinary than you or me."_

"My God…" The General whispered, "That is the most heart-warming thing I have ever heard."

"General, are you crying?" Vosknocker noticed the tears forming in his eyes.

"Maybe," The General answered, his voice cracking, "the government told us to lock up a religious figure, but after hearing what that young girl said I realise now that we were keeping one of our own kind in here…can I have a hug?"

Vosknocker stood there awkwardly where he was for a moment before walking over to hug the General.

"_Why_?" He sobbed on the doctor's shoulder, "Why didn't I realise that earlier?"

"Sometimes in life, it takes the innocent words of a child to help us see the simplest of things," The doctor looked at the monitor on the table, "you know that monitor also comes with a recorder. What'd you say you and I go down to the government and let them hear what the girl said?"

So that's why you can't kill Zoroaster," said Charlie, "because he and all other religious figures are human."

"Dude that was beautiful." Kyle walked up to his girlfriend, "What made you make a speech like that?"

"I just did whatever my heart told me to do." Charlie answered.

"…Fuck you kids, I'm gonna kill him anyway." Dark Matter remarked as he raised the conch shell again.

"Are you fucking serious?" Zoroaster exclaimed, "How can you not be moved by what she just said?"

"I will admit that it is touching, but I can't let you or the brats get in the way-"

"Kiwaaa!"

A gleaming halo hit the conch shell, shattering it into pieces, "What the-"The villain turned to find Jesus at the entrance of the top, "No! I don't believe it!"

"Believe it Dark Matter." Jesus grabbed his halo when it spun back to him, "Might as well give up while you still can, you're surrounded."

"Surrounded-yeah right," Dark Matter exclaimed as he held back a laugh, "you and what army?"

"We're right here." Sophia flew into view behind Jesus and landed lightly on the ground, followed by the other Super Best Friends.

"Buddha!"

"Krishna!"

"Joseph Smith!"

"Seaman!"

"Zoroaster," The prophet murmured to himself before smirking at the villain, "we're gonna kick your butt."

"Uh fellas," Butters said fearfully, "are they supposed to be here?" All around them Tenebris knights climbed up to the top, their black armour reflecting the dark clouds.

"It appears as if my own army came right on time." Dark Matter stated as the knights formed a circle around them, "Judging by the number of them, I believe the tables have turned."

"Not when our powers are combined." Sophia retorted as she whipped out her sword.

"We'll see. Get them!" The knights charged at the religious figures, but before they could take a step further, all of them were set on fire. Zoroaster pointed his staff in front of him, the top blazing with a single flame.

"Holy shit dude!" Stan yelled.

"Nice cover up." Jesus complimented.

"Don't thank me yet. My magic won't hold them off for long" he looked around, "Where is it? Where's the blaster?"

"What blaster?" Sophia asked as she slashed threw a knight.

"The blaster Hephaestus gave me! The Olympian blaster!"

"You mean the pretty looking gun that's on the edge of the platform?" Butters pointed to the blaster, which was on the verge of falling off the edge.

"Son of a bitch-!" Zoroaster lowered his staff and ran as fast as he could to the blaster. He caught it just before it fell off, "Got it, and now to-"Before he can do anything a nearby Tenebris knight tackled him off the edge.

"Oh hamburgers!" Cried Butters when he saw Zoroaster get pushed off the platform, "I think we lost Zoroaster!"

"Ah crap." Said Jesus as he and the Super Best Friends fought the Tenebris while the kids ran out of the way. Only Karen stood motionless behind the column, completely terrified of what was going on.

"_Karen…everything is going to be okay,_" A voice echoed in her head. She looked around, trying to find the source of the voice, "_I am speaking to you telepathically. I am the same person who assisted your ancestor Alethea into guiding her and her father's followers to the Greek village. Listen to what I have to say before you do anything._"

"What do want from me?" She asked quietly.

"_I want to help you save the world Karen. You are a descendant of Abraham, you have the power to put a stop to all this. You just have to listen to me before you can do anything." _Karen looked at the chaos around her, she didn't know who the person in her voice was, nor did she know if she should trust that person or not…but she didn't want this planet to be destroyed either.

"What do you want me to do?"

Jesus yelped when he tried to touch the cube. A force field appeared around it for a second and then disappeared, giving his hand a shock in the process, "There's a force field surrounding it!"

"That could be a problem." Said Krishna. A knight appeared behind the Hindu Deity but he electrocuted it before it could even touch him.

"Does anyone know how to break a force field?" Kyle asked but before anyone could answer, Karen stepped in front of the cube and touched the barrier surrounding it. It did not shock her, instead cracks slowly formed around it.

"That's impossible!" Dark Matter screamed when he saw what was happening, "S-she can't touch the shield she'd have to be…"

"A descendant of Alethea." Jesus finished.

"No!" Cried Dark Matter, "I am not going to let the brat get away with this!"

Before he can do anything, Cartman ran up to the villain, turned around and pulled his skirt down, "Take this asshole!" A fart was heard from his behind and with it; huge flames appeared and caught Dark Matter.

"Oh God it burns!" Dark Matter screeched as he tried to put the flames out, "And it smells!"

The breaking of glass was heard and the force field surrounding the cube shattered into chunks.

"That's it, it's broken!" Sophia exclaimed.

"Yeah well even it is, you still won't be able to destroy the keystones," Dark Matter retorted, "one must posses…"

"The Olympian blaster." Zoroaster hovered on top of the platform, a gust of wind, the shape of a disc swirled around his feet, "That fall was completely uncalled for."

"Zoroaster!" Cried Butters.

"That my name, don't wear it out." He aimed the blaster at the cube and pulled the trigger. A white ball of light shot out of the blaster, hitting the cube. It sent sparks flying everywhere and for a moment it sounded like the temple was wailing in pain.

"That's that then." Said Zoroaster as he landed on the platform.

Suddenly a column began to collapse, sending a bit of the roof falling as well.

"I don't think this is over yet." Said Stan as a chunk of the floor fell off.

"The temple is falling apart!" Sophia yelled, "Everybody run!"

The heroes raced down the stair just as the roof collapsed on the platform.

"Does anyone know a way out?" Kyle asked as the group got to the bottom.

"We can fly but we can't fly all of you back to the surface." Said Jesus.

"What the fuck? So what're you saying, that we're stuck here?" Cartman demanded.

"Looks like it." Zoroaster replied.

"Kyle if this is the end," Charlie held Kyle's hand tightly, "I just want you to know that I'm sorry if I acted like a know-it-all about religious figures, and I'm happy that we're gonna die together on this temple."

"Ditto." Kyle said smiling.

"Hey what's that?" Butters pointed to something bright and yellow to the left, flying in their direction. The thing came to a halt beside them and they realised it was golden chariot, drawn by a winged horse.

"Ike?" Kyle stared in disbelief when he saw that it was his brother driving the chariot, "What're you doing here?"

"You know this kid?" Zoroaster asked.

"Yeah, he's my adopted brother from Canada."

"Interesting," Zoroaster muttered, "did he ever tell you that he works for the Olympians?"

"What?"

"Can we have this discussion when we're on the ground?" Smith exclaimed when more of the temple crumbled away.

"You're right," Said Zoroaster, "everyone, onto the chariot!"

The group quickly got on the chariot, with Zoroaster barely making it into it as a piece of the temple fell under his feet, "Go, go, go!" He shouted.

The chariot flew away from the temple just as it exploded into dust, leaving nothing but a giant cloud in its place.

**It's not over yet, there's still one more chapter to go.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_My name is Leopold Stotch, but people call me Butters._

_Less than an hour ago me and my friends saved the world by destroying the Hanging Gardens of Babylon; we in turn were saved by Kyle's brother Ike just in time before the temple exploded. We were dropped off in Alethea after that._

_If there's one thing I learned, it's that a lot can happen in an hour; Zoroaster and Sophia were made Super Best Friends for defeating Dark Matter and Karen was reunited with her family, by golly you should've seen her face, she was so happy. The government made religious figures honorary citizens of America, I don't know why they did that, but at least Zoroaster won't have to get locked up again._

_My parents phoned me and said I was grounded for saving the world without their permission. As for Dark Matter, well we're not sure what really happened to him. He wasn't with us when we escaped, but he wasn't with the burnt remains of the knights after the temple exploded either. Sometimes life works in mysterious ways._

_Right now we're all in Alethea, which was half destroyed when the temple got uprooted. There're a bunch of people here with us who call themselves the Order of Religion, led by a scary looking lady named Miss Anthrope or 'The Bitch' which the Super Best Friends secretly call her. _

"Wow…for once it's not our town that got destroyed huh?" Randy and the others observed the damage done to the village. Houses were burnt down, trees and bushes were pulled from their roots and a giant hole was created in the middle of the village.

"It'll take a while for things to get back to normal." Andrew told the others.

"At least we're all alive," Said Charlie, "that's the main thing."

"Hey dudes." Kenny McCormick walked into view next to his friends.

"Dude, where have you been?" Asked Stan.

"I've just been hanging out," Kenny answered simply, "Did I miss anything exciting?"

"You have no idea."

"For the last time, there was no accomplice," Jesus said to Miss Anthrope, "it was just Dark Matter alone up there!"

"And for the last time, I'm not gonna believe you holy beings until I see an accomplice," Miss Anthrope retorted as she walked away, "I didn't get the police involved for nothing you know!"

"…Bitch." Muttered Krishna as Jesus slapped his forehead in frustration.

"Don't worry; I have an idea on where we can find an accomplice," Zoroaster told the other Super Best Friends, "all we need to do is find an evil person, a truly evil person. Someone who deserves to be punished."

"I think Dark Matter was the closest to being a truly evil person." Said Seaman.

"Shud' up Seamen." Zoroaster replied, causing the Super Best Friends to burst out laughing.

"It's Sea-man!"

"But Kyle you owe me!" Cartman whined as he and Kyle walked into view.

"No I don't fatass!"

"But the Hanging Gardens of Babylon-"

"No longer exists," Kyle explained, "less than one hour ago you saw the temple explode with your own eyes. You said it exists, but it no longer does because it exploded, so technically your theory is wrong!" With that, Kyle walked quickly away from Cartman.

"…Wait so that's it? No iPad?!" Cartman asked, "I was about to get the greatest thing ever made and now I can't?!" He then glared at the religious figures, "well way to go Super Best Assholes, you guys _really_ screwed me over. I was about to get the greatest thing in the world and in one shot you all ruined it! Any of you got any mints? My breath should at least smell fresh the next time you all decide to fuck me! Or maybe some KFC? Yeah, I like to get some fried chicken after I've been FUCKED by you stupid religious assholes!"

A long silence filled the air as the Super Best Friends glared daggers at Cartman.

Minutes later.

"What the fuck!? Get away from me!" Cartman screamed as police officers chased him around the village.

"That's him all right," Zoroaster called out, "that little transvestite fat kid is an accomplice of Dark Matter!"

"God-dammit, I'm not fat!" Cartman cried.

"Why did you guys told the police on him?" Asked Stan.

"He said 'fuck' to an Iranian," Zoroaster answered darkly, "you can _never _say 'fuck' to an Iranian."

The kids watched as Cartman ran towards the giant hole. He jumped in, emitting a flamed fart at the officers before colliding with the earth.

"…Dude." Muttered Stan.

"Seriously," Cartman said from the hole, "I am going to kick someone in the balls."

"Cartman's pissed again." Charlie said to her boyfriend.

"Yeah, but at least we won't have to go through something like this ever again." Kyle replied.

"I guess you're right." She kissed him on the cheek as they watched Cartman getting dragged away by the police, along the way he flipped off each of the Super Best Friends.

"Fuck you Jesus! Fuck you Krishna! Fuck you Buddha! Fuck you Smith! Fuck you Seamen! Fuck you whatever you call yourself and fuck you winged bitch!"

"That kid is _so_ not getting reincarnated." Said Krishna.

"Well that's another painting that didn't come true." The Lady of the Temple said to herself as she scrubbed the painting of the temple off the wall, "And good thing too, there are so many paintings that still need to come true." After she was finished scrubbing it she realised that there was writing behind the painting. She looked at the writing, realising that it was a prophecy:

_Seven descendants of the eldest legacies,_

_Will rise and be chosen against all odds_

_And see the world frozen in time_

_Deities and Immortals combined prevail_

_The cloud of fire emits the signal_

_A cursed Warlock, the Ancient Sword must slay_

_Wielded by the Hero of Legends_

_And preserve the Pantheons for generations to come._

"…Heh, I'll believe it when I see it." The Temple Lady said.

**And so ends South Park: Religion Exposed, the four-part series that started last month and ended today, but it's not entirely over. This is just a new beginning…the beginning of my South Park spin off series Montana Chronicles.**

**A thank you to those who stayed with the series till the end and a special thank you to ThreadbareSP, who let me, use her character Charlie in this series.**

**Montana Chronicles, coming soon.**


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